Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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