so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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