i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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