I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
