i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize