I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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