before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
