do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
