you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
