My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
