i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
