Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
