If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
