its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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