My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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