we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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