youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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