apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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