It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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