guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
