laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
