you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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