with your own penis?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
