i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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