the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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