My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We need to get me chipped asap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
