Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how drunk are you?
Several
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize