Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
