This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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