my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
