The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
