Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
