That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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