how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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