I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
