That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
