I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
