But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
