i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
