This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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