I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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