I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
