OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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