It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
