not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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