well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i came on her dog
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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