i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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