I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
