party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
