I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
