Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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