Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
