No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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