I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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