my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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