I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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