Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
...so i touched it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
