So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
