corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
