I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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