I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
