my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
