so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
