alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
