I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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